Today marks the 2nd anniversary of my sister’s passing.
There are moments I still can’t believe she’s gone. I well up with tears and emotion bigger than a volcano. It comes in spurts and in waves. I have a good cry, I talk to her, and then I try to calm myself down.
Before my sister’s passing, she had shared with me that there was a box of old slides that my grandfather had taken. I was recently in Long island at a family celebration, and I asked my brother-in-law if he had found that box, and he said “Yes, come downstairs, I found some of them!”
We went down into the basement and there was a small box of the slides. I know there are more to be found somewhere, but I was so grateful he had found these.
I went home that evening and ordered a mini slide viewer. When I found the slide above, my heart stopped…
It brought back such beautiful memories not only of my sister and I, but the joy of horseback riding. I loved horseback riding growing up. It made me free, alive, and like I could do anything.
I was about 6 years old and Bonnie was about 3. I had just gotten bucked off a horse we rode frequently at Veto Farms. I wasn’t hurt, but I was shaken up and afraid to my core.
My grandparents ran out, picked me up, and brought me to the shed.
My grandfather and the stable owners immediately jumped into encouraging me to get back on the horse, but I was adamant that I wanted nothing to do with it. I was terrified of the big scary horse in front of me.
My sister Bonnie sat on my lap, and she kept saying, in the few words that she spoke at the time, “Go again! Go again!” And I didn’t want to let her down. How could I let down my little sister?
So I got back up on that horse… and I rode again.
At 3 years old my sister gave me the strength, the courage, and the endurance to not give up, and to try again.
It was a lesson I’ll never forget of a sisterly bond, of resilience, and what it means to hear the words, Go Again.
My sister gave me the strength to not give up on me. She always had a powerful force wherever she went.
I can’t talk to her physically anymore, but she comes to me in my dreams, the lights flicker in the kitchen when I turn them on, and I know she’s always there.
I miss your presence, not just in life, but as my strong
resilient sister that could do anything.
You figured everything out!
I still remember you going into the basement at 7 years old and
setting up the bookshelf you got using the directions all in Dutch!
Dad told you to wait until he got home, but no way. You were a
me first kind of girl. You wanted to get it done right there and then, and you did!
Still amazed about that.
Memories of laughing together in the car, and those moments when mom
pulled out 3 hard boiled eggs for lunch. There was no time to stop for
lunch, we had to shop shop shop! I know you’re still laughing about that.
Only moments a sister would understand.
You running into the city when I needed help setting up my computer
or the time you helped figure out how to set the tiles in my shower.
Your talent and gift of just knowing how to do anything. I was
in awe of how you manifested anything you wanted.
Want a trip? We’ll find a way to go using points.
You made things happen.
Want a new kitchen or bedroom closet? You made it yourself.
You were the queen of DIY long before it became a trend.
I looked up to you. Your inner strength to carry on and never
complain. You are a true warrior, a gifted and talented sister,
and the best mom I’ve ever witnessed.
You are missed, you are loved forever and ever…
When I get scared and I feel like I can’t go on. I remember those words…